Bless the Lord, oh my soul

The past day and a half have been draining to say the least. In Uganda, when a person dies they will be buried one or two days after they die. Once the person dies, there are hurried preparations to organize the burial, coffin, food, and contact all the people who knew the person. In a couple day, all of it is "done." The person is buried and there is nothing much more to do except go on with life. Please pray for all the people at Special Needs as they get used to not having Carol there and to deal with their own grief as well as helping the children understand and grieve themselves.

I wrote this the day after Carol died...I expect that there will be many more blogs about Carol, about Special Needs, and about these past couple days, perhaps with some of the same ideas in it and such, but for now this is it.

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"And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing your praise unending
Ten thousand years and than forevermore"

Carol, our little princess, our little poppet, is gone. Her ten thousand years and forevermore have begun.

I've cried silent tears in the darkness and the light. I have let out low moans and felt the pangs of pain. She's gone. At the same time, I can't believe it. Not Carol, not our sweet princess.

But I go to Hassan's House and she's not there. Her familiar form doesn't lay on "Carol's couch." Just the empty cushion. Uncle Norman and Uncle Martin walk around, their faces set in stone. Almost saying, don't ask me how I am. I have to be strong for the kids. I can't cry. I have to be strong, their faces say. And it hurts me.

The kids sit on the floor. Brian, Wilson, Kakulu, Allen. Not understanding that Carol isn't coming back. She's gone. But they want to sing. Out comes the guitar and it is horribly out of tune, but so is this life. Carol is gone, and a new song will have to be found. A new song, without Carol in it.

We tune the guitar, and Wilson and Brian call out a song, "Bless the Lord"

And that is what we sing

"Bless the Lord, oh my soul
Oh my soul, worship His holy name
Sing like never before
Oh my soul, I'll worship His holy name"

The words strike me hard and are amazingly comforting. Brian, Wilson, Kakulu-they have it right. "Bless the Lord, oh my soul" even if Carol is gone. "Bless the Lord, oh my soul" even if we will never hear her shout and see her smile again. "Bless the Lord, oh my soul" even if we have to wait till heaven to see Carol again.

"Bless the Lord, oh my soul"